


Then I Look At The Stars (Flicker Of Hope)

by FookingOopsHi



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Before the beards, Depressing, Emotional, I'm Sorry, Love, M/M, Post-The X Factor Era, Tears, Technically what I imagine their last night together would've been like cuz of management, The X Factor Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 05:57:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14867984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FookingOopsHi/pseuds/FookingOopsHi
Summary: Some things are simply just not meant to last. They are meant to bring temporary happiness. And then just like that, they're gone. Now memories that feel like stabs to the heart. All you can do is cry, feel pain, reminisce, and look at the stars.





	Then I Look At The Stars (Flicker Of Hope)

**Author's Note:**

> Play Niall's song Flicker on repeat while reading this. It adds more effect. 
> 
> That's all I'm gonna say.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> Love you all. X

Harry's P.O.V.

It's dark. All I see is the faint light from the window coming from the bright stars outside. He's cuddled up to me and I can't help but think this will be the last time I get to hold him like this. This was our last time making love. Our last time showing eachother how much we care. A tear manages to roll down my cheek and lands on his soft feathery caramel hair. I wipe at my eyes before any more tears manage to escape. I don't want to wake him up. I don't want to let go. I'll become a mess. I know it. He stirs a bit. He moves to rest his head on my chest, his arm around my waist. That's when it becomes real. It's already over. 

How did this come to an end so fast? It's like only yesterday I was falling in love with my best friend. The connection was instant between us. Since the x factor. I knew what love was when I looked at him for the first time. And when he smiled at me I knew it was it. He was the one. And I know he knew it too. He told me. I remember it.

"That was great don't you think Harry?" Louis asked me.

"It was amazing! I can't wait to perform. It's our best song yet." I said equally as cheerful.

"As excited as we all are, I think we should head to the showers and then to bed. We still have rehearsals the next 3 days to perfect it and we have to get up bright and early tomorrow." Liam says. Always on top of the game. 

"Right. I think I'm going to get something to eat first though. 'M starving." Niall answers back with a groan.

We all laugh and start walking down the hallway towards our room. A hand grabs me by my elbow and stops me. I turn to see Louis with a big smile, his beautiful ocean blue eyes crinkling at the ends. I hadn't admit my crush towards Louis to anyone, though I'm fairly sure everyone's noticed. Including some of our fans. So when I felt a spark where he touched me, as cliché as it sounds, I immediately became goo at his feet.

"Can I talk to you for a minute Curly?" Says Louis with a bit of a smirk. Cheeky.

"Sure, what is it Lou?" I say. The nickname rolling off my tongue so easily.

"Just wanted to talk to you about something that has been just bugging at me since we got back from your dad's bungalow." He says losing his smirk.

"Louis that was 3 weeks ago. Why'd you wait so long? I'm always available. You know that." I say.

"It's about that actually. You being available." He says. And now I'm lost. 

"Yeah. I'm right here. So what is it?" I ask.

"Aww harry." He says pinching me cheeks. Something he's done a lot. "I mean I don't want you to be available anymore." He says with a smile. And now I'm Really confused. And panicking.

"You don't want to talk anymore?" I don't get him. What happened? Did I do something wrong while at the bungalow?

"Bloody hell Hazza! I want us to be together. I want you to be my boyfriend." He says with the biggest smile I've ever seen. Well after mine because after this, I have the biggest smile ever.

"Really?" I ask.

"Of course Curly!" He says hugging me. I hide my face in the crook of his neck because I'm sure if anyone walked by and saw me with a smile this big, they'd think something was wrong with me.

"Yes. I want to. I want to be your boyfriend." I say finally pulling away to look at him.

"I knew you'd say yes." He says sending me a wink. I roll my eyes.

"A bit cocky don't you think?" I ask.

"No. Not really. It's just. I knew you'd say yes." He says smiling. "I knew you felt the same and that this is real." 

I blush and look at the ground. I know he noticed my red cheeks. I feel him intertwine our hands together and we walk that way all the way to our room. 

I turn and face the stars, but they're blurred. Silent tears run down my face. That was the first of many beautiful moments between Lou and I. Now, three years later, we're being forced apart. Tomorrow Louis will have a public girlfriend. Tomorrow everything will change. I don't know if he'll want to still keep hiding. I don't know if he'll stop loving me. If he'll like spending time with her and forget about me. I sound selfish and I hate myself for doubting him. But I can't help it. Looking down at him now, it brings back memories. And after today, that's all they'll be. Just memories of what we used to be. And with dried tears and blurred stars, I fall asleep knowing he won't be here when morning comes.

******

Louis' P.O.V

He's crying. He has been for a while now. And there's nothing I can do. I want to let him know that I'm also awake. That I'm also hurting. But I can't. If I do, I'll become a bigger mess than he is right now. I've got to be strong for both of us. So I just move to rest my head on his chest and wrap my arm around his waist tightly, hoping he understands what I'm trying to tell him. I can hear the thumping of his heart. The patterns of his steady breathing. He's asleep now. And it hits me then. This will be the last time I get to be with him. The last time I was able to make love to the one who holds my heart. The last time I get to hold who I love most.

Tomorrow I meet up with Simon and I start a new contract. A contract in which Harry gets to be himself. A contract in which Harry is free. A contract where Harry is happy. A contract where I lose him. But he wins. In the end he wins, and I could never ask for more. 

Tomorrow I announce what will be the end of me and the beginning of his freedom. I probably sound pathetic and stupid. But I love him and if this is what it takes for him to be free and happy, that's what I'll do. 

I look up to see his beautiful face. His lips slightly parted, his curls untamed, looking breathtaking as ever. I see a light crease in between his eyebrows. God I wish I knew what he was thinking. I want to talk to him and look at him. Then I'd know. He never lies with his eyes. I've learned who he is. He couldn't lie to me if he wanted to. 

I turn to face the ceiling and a million questions go through my mind. Will he get tired of waiting for me? Will he find someone else? After how long? Will he be happy? If the answer to that last one is yes, then that's all that matters. That is the reason I'm doing this.

I turn around and wrap his arms around me so that he's cuddling me now. Right here, like this, reminds me of when we first said I love you.

"Are you okay boobear?" He asks me.

No I'm not okay. It's been 5 amazing months and I can already feel myself getting more attached. And im falling in love with you. But I'm scared. Scared it's too much for you. Scared of what will happen after this. But most of all, scared that you'll feel the same. Because management has already warned me about us and if you feel the same, I couldn't bear to see you hurt. Hurt everyday we have to stay a secret. Hurt everytime we have to be subtle in public when all I want to do is hold you and show you off to everyone. Because you're the best that has ever happened to me and I'm afraid I'll lose you.

"Lou. You zoned out. Talk to me." He says, his voice laced with concern and worry. He pulls me closer to his chest, cuddling me tighter. 

"I'm fine Hazza." I say. He turns me around and I try to put on my best smile. But when he doesn't smile back, I know he saw right through me. He always does.

"Please don't lie to me." He says, sadness replacing the concerned tone his voice had.

"I just.." I can't lie to him. So I don't. "I love you." I say.

I'd laugh at the way his eyes went comically wide, but my previous thoughts are running through my head. And he hasn't said anything, making me even more afraid.

"You do?" He asks, voice so low I almost didn't hear it.

I nod my head. "More than you can imagine." I whisper back.

He kisses me and I cup his face with my hands to feel closer to him. It's a sweet, tender kiss.

He pulls away and looks at me for what feels like forever. "I love you Louis." He says. And this time I kiss him.

I tasted my tears before I felt them. I do my best to wipe the tears away. I look at the stars and wish upon any magical star out there to take me back to those days. The day we went out on our first date. The day we told our families. The day we first said I love you. The day we made love for the first time. The day I fell in love with my best friend. I wish upon any of those shining stars that I'm looking at that tomorrow won't come. But I know it will. And then it'll be over. Maybe it already is.

******

Harry's P.O.V 

I wake up and rub my hands over my face. I turn to cuddle Louis but the bed is empty. I open my eyes and look all around the room. There's no trace of him anywhere. If you were to walk in, it'd look like I was alone all along. It's like he was never here. But the pain in my chest tells me otherwise.

I stay sitting in my bed for 2 hours. Or so says the wall clock. But it felt like 5 minutes. I get up and just walk around. I walk to the restroom, the kitchen, to the living room, expecting, hoping to see him there. But he's gone. And with him, my heart. My soul. My reason. It's all just been snatched from me. 

Minutes become hours. I haven't ate, haven't showered, haven't done anything. But I don't care. I go to our- my balcony and sit on one of the chairs. The stars are starting to come out. My gaze drifts from the stars to door, back to the stars. I keep hoping he'll walk right in. With a final glance to the stars, I break. I cry. I cry wreck less sobs and I feel my heart breaking. And I just want it all to be over. Because I know he's not coming back. But my heart still hopes. Hopes that he won't last long without me, as selfish as that sounds, and that he'll come back to me. I hope that whatever this is doesn't last long because I don't think I'll take much longer. 

Memories start to flood through my mind and all I can do is bring my knees to my chest and hug myself tight, in hopes of keeping myself together for just a little while longer. Memories of our first everything. And then our last. Everything up to last night.

With one last look to the stars, I make my way to the living room, where I could be closer to the door. I wait and wait. Then wait some more. His words run through my mind. He tells me he loves me. He tells me he'll never leave me. He tells me he couldn't stand a day without me and that I'm the one and that he wants me forever and he wants to raise a family together and grow old and in love and I believe it all. But then it becomes 2 am and it becomes obvious. The truth is right in front of me. But my heart is a fool that keeps hoping he'll come home.

He never does.

**Author's Note:**

> So here's what happened.  
> It's October 29, 2017 , 1:14 am and I couldn't go to sleep. I decided to play Niall's album on my phone. Flicker comes on and I decide to pay extra close attention to the lyrics. I start crying and put it on repeat (cuz who doesn't like making themselves even more depressed when they're already crying). Then my fucking brain decides to play tricks on me !! By the time the song comes on for the 3rd time, my mind starts like literally creating a movie in my head. A larry scene starts to unfold in my mind that go exactly with the lyrics. And I cry even more. I wrote this one shot because I just had to write what was going in my mind. So I'm sorry if I make you guys cry and feel just as shitty as I did while writing this. I just had to. Please still love me.


End file.
